october blogging challenge 21: transformation tuesday

This post is supposed to be about a way I’ve changed. I could go over the superficial stuff, like growing my hair, chopping it off and growing it again; or the weight I lost after I sold my car and moved to a city that requires a lot of walking. (Being too poor to buy a lot of snackage helped too. Although now that I’m working full time I might gain it back. Which would save me from having to buy new skinnies. Seriously, wearing skinnies that are a size too big is not flattering). I could even talk about how I went from a high plains-living, tumbleweed-dodging small town girl to a subway-riding, bagel-eating city girl.

But instead, I’m going to talk about how I’ve stopped pretending.

I’m no longer pretending that I know how I want to spend the rest of my life. Several months ago, if someone asked me what I wanted to do for a living I always had an answer. At one point it was TV production. Then it was publishing. Then theater. And maybe those answers were true at the time, but I think part of me always knew that I just wasn’t sure, and after taking a step or two down each path I’d change my mind and turn around.

But now, when someone asks me what I want to do with the rest of my life, I give the honest answer, which is, “I don’t know.” I’ve transformed from a person who felt like she had to have an answer to that question (because doesn’t everybody?) to someone who is trying to be okay with the fact that she doesn’t have it figured out yet. Admittedly, I still get a little jealous of people who seem to have found their “calling,” but I’m increasingly becoming more accepting of the fact that that just isn’t me right now.

Maybe I’ll have a really long career at my current job. Maybe I’ll go back to school. Maybe I’ll buy a van and spend the rest of my life driving around the country. I don’t know. What I do know is I want to have fun while I figure it out.

Have you found your life’s work, or are you still wandering like me? What’s a way you’ve transformed?

 

October Blogging Challenge 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

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1 Comment

  1. I’m still wondering what I want to be when I grow up. With less than 10 years to go until retirement, I have finally figured out I just need a change every 10 years. Looking back, I wish I had realized it’s okay to dig in and learn all I can, but when it’s time to go, it’s time to go. I didn’t need to feel so much angst!

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